The Choices we make
by Thequiethouse
Summary: Set after Derek Morgan has left the BAU, can he go back and fix his mistakes? Penelope in danger. All characters included eventual Morgan/Garcia. Rated M for possible later chapters. Please review :)
1. Chapter 1

It took former SSA agent Derek Morgan less than 2 weeks to know in his hart that he had made a mistake. The sun, the sand between his toes, his beautiful baby son, were something he had dreamed of his whole life. None of which stopped the sick, slow feeling in his gut every night, sitting with a beer when his phone remained resolutely silent. No one had called, Hotchs name hadn't flashed impatiently on his screen, JJ had left a hurried voicemail about wanting to see Hank but she hadn't answered when he called back, Reid and Prentiss wouldn't call he knew that and from his Baby Girl there was total radio silence. It wasn't personal he knew, they were busy, hell who knows where they were right now, probably half way across the country on a case. They didn't need him and didn't that knowledge burn like acid in his gut.

His head knew he had made the right decision, he had listened alongside Hotch as Haley had bled to death, He had held JJ tight as she saw a unsub put a bullet into her boyfriend...Savannah hadn't signed up for that, neither had Hank who needed his mama, it was the right decision...but by the end of 2 weeks of 9-5, no blood, no unsub, no phone calls.

He was losing his mind.

 **6 months later**

Derek Morgan no longer slept with his phone next to the bed. It was easier that way. He swung his legs out of bed, and the red glow of the clock told him it was 2am, he groaned rubbing his hands over his face. Ironic that after all those years of seeing horror everyday, it was only now that he couldn't sleep. Careful not to wake Savannah, he pulled on his dressing gown and crept downstairs, and clicked the kettle on. Coffee was his saviour these days, another irony given his merciless teasing of Emily over the years.

He was just going to grab the cup when he heard it...his phone was ringing. The second it stopped, it began again. Prickling with unease Derek grabbed for his jacket rummaging through the pockets, the name Hotch, was flashing on the screen, ever impatient, Morgan hit answer.

'Hey man'

'Morgan' the very tone managed to convey disappointment and Derek found himself gripping the phone tighter

'You haven't been answering'

'Sorry boss...'

Hotch cut him off

'Never mind, Penelope's missing'

'What wrong?' Savannah sat up, confused and blinking, she stared into her husbands face. She realised he was scared, really scared the sort of fear she had seen in him once before. When the unsub had known Hanks name.

'What's happened?'

'Hotch called we have a situation, I need to fly back to Quantico, he's sending the jet'

'What kind of situation?' But Derek was already pulling on his jacket.

'I gotta go, I'll call you' he planted a quick kiss on her forehead, and then raced out the door.

Derek knew he was many things but never before a coward. He hadn't spoken to his baby girl in 6 months, she'd tried once or twice to call but he'd never been able to bring himself to answer. She would be so angry, she had every right to be. Surely she had to know why, that she was the one thing that made him weak, how he had ever said goodbye to her he didn't know, he couldn't do it again of that he was certain. Oh god...

Emily was waiting at the airport, she looked him once over before she hugged him fast and tight. Her face was grim and _we'll talk later not no_ w was written all over her face. Forestalling his questions the car ride was pretty much silent. Unease burned through his belly. What the hell was going on?


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone sat stone faced in the bullpit

'Have a seat Morgan' Hotch intoned. Reid raised his hand in greeting. There were dark circles beneath his eyes, come to think of it no one. except Hotch looked like they'd slept in a week.

Without preamble Rossi stood and began, an image of Garcia's office flashed up onto the board and tablets, Rossi handed Morgan his old pad.

'Last Friday at 8am this image was sent to every member of the BAU'

A wave of nausea tore through Derek, propelling him to his feet, leaning against the table he inhaled deeply. JJ glanced at him in sympathy.

'We've had the blood tested, the type matches Penelopes'

'How could...Can she...?' Shock halted his words. Anticipating him Hotch quickly added

'It's not an arterial spurt, we've determined she could have survived that amount of blood loss'

'It's been 4 days and no one called me?!' Derek was incredulous.

'There's more' Rossi grimly intoned 'this note was found attached to her car' with the click of a button the image on his pad changed.

 _Times ticking for your Baby Girl...Hot Stuff_

The words were followed by a series of seemingly random numbers.

Derek reared back from the table, whirled and drove his fist into the wall.

'Son of a bitch!'

'Derek!' JJ cried jumping up.

'Show me your hand' Reid moved to grab some ice.

'Everybody calm down' Hotchs words halted them all.

'Reid go get some ice' the SSA ran from the room.

'Derek I know this has come as a shock but we need you to focus right now, when did you last speak to Garcia?'

Morgan swallowed hard

'6 months ago' he could scarcely look up, the reproach rolling of his team, his ex team, was palpable.

'She tried to call a couple of times, I didn't return her calls'

'Ok' Hotch began to pace. 'So we can eliminate any new motive, at least within the last 6 months' Reid came back in, handing Derek the ice, he walked to the board.

'In that case I suggest our initial theory is correct, this is an unsub unable to target Morgan directly now he's left the BAU, is using the closest person he can find. I've been studying these numbers...'

3 hours later, everyone stood,

'Rossi, Spencer and I will keep working here, JJ and Morgan, will go to Garcia's apartment incase we've missed anything, Prentiss...'

Emily interrupted 'and I'll go talk to Andy again'

Derek followed JJ out,

'Whose Andy?'

'Her boyfriend'

'JJ stop look at me please' JJ sighed and met his eyes,

'I don't even know what to say to you Derek'

'Was she angry with me?' His deepest fear. JJ sighed again,

'Of course not, she understood. She only cared about you being happy, wouldn't hear a word against you'

Somehow that made it worse.

'She was supposed to meet me for a movie that night' JJ s voice was quiet,

'I blew her off, Will wanted me home'

'Not your fault' JJ smiled tightly, 'I know, it's just...'

Derek squeezed her arm. This wasn't helping.

'Let's go' grimly he nodded.


	3. Chapter 3

Stepping into her apartment everything looked exactly the same. He moved forward slowly, gently running his fingers down the mauve gauze curtain. The last time he was here, he had known he was leaving, his girl had made him extra cookies, a treat he only usually got those on his birthday, all packed up in one of her insanely coloured tins. There was a time this was his second home, his key he knew still fitted the lock. 100s of movies he had watched here, he had saved her life in here, after she was shot. She had held him in here after all the Beaufort stuff went down, It was the place he felt safest on all the world.

JJ watched him, giving him a minute.

Penelope's laptop, was the only thing obviously missing, the techs at BAU were tearing it apart for any evidence. Her coffee mug sat by the door where she had left it, slippers kicked off there too when she had put her shoes on.

'Anything?' JJ asked but Derek just shook his head.

'The unsub wasn't here'

His gaze fell on the photo of the two of them, taken at the beach, their smiles nearly splitting the image in two.

JJ spoke again 'We know she left in a hurry, she was running late but nothing appears to be missing'

'Who is this Andy?' Derek asked what was really on his mind 'Did he stay here the night before?'

'They've been dating a few months, seems a nice guy, not into the tech stuff, he's been by the house a few times. She seems happy but he wasn't staying here Thursday night'

Nausea hit him again, he leaned into the breakfast counter.

'Derek when was the last time you ate?' He shrugged.

'Come on, lets get back to the office, we'll pick up some take out on the way. Where are you staying?' Again he shrugged _this was all his fault_

JJ took his arm

'You're staying with me and Will we'll...' her phone rang.

'It's Emily' she turned slightly 'What's up?'

'Anything we missed?' Emily asked

'No'

'Then get back to the office, we may have something'

JJ turned, but Derek was already on his way out the door.

'What have we got?' Derek demanded as he walked into the bullpen. Hotch motioned for him to sit down, he began to pace instead.

Reid pointed at his pad

'I've been studying these numbers thinking they are a code, but what if there not? What if they are co ordinates instead?' He stood up and drew on the map,

'These numbers here are the coordinates of your old apartment' he gestured to Morgan, 'I didn't think anything of it until, I turned these ones around' he pointed to the third set 'because then they are the garage where you kept your bike...' he went on as every number pointed to a location belonging to Morgan.

'What does this all mean?' Hotch asked

'Unfortunately I don't know.' Reid sighed 'it seems to be a way for the unsub to show us that e knows everything about Morgan's life, I mean where he keeps his bike wouldn't be common knowledge...'

An officer Derek didn't know stuck his head around the door.

'Prentiss, Andy has just come in I've put him in interview room 1'

She stood, so did Morgan.

'Let me talk to him'


	4. Chapter 4

Derek wasn't sure what he was expecting but the man sitting at the desk looked ordinary enough too ordinary for my girl the traitorous thought came.

Outside Emily and JJ watched anxiously

'Do you think this is a good idea?'

'So you're The infamous Derek Morgan?'

Derek nodded.

'Pen has told me all about you. They say you've no new leads?'

Derek paced up and down.

'How long have you two been seeing each other.'

'6 months give or take. We met online, I work as a technical guy for the FBI' he fingers drummed on the desk. Then suddenly stopped and opened his wallet holding out a photo, it was of him and Garcia, smiling. She was wearing her favourite pink cats eyes glasses, they both held ice cream cones. Without thinking Morgan reached out and took the picture.

'We are happy, we were happy' Andy continued, glancing down.

' I keep wondering if I missed something...'

Dereks stomach clenched, this Andy seemed genuine. He stared at his girl, her smile burning into him. There was a time she had smiled at him like that every single damn day.

He hadn't noticed Andy was still talking until he heard him say

' ...super special Agent Morgan...' he froze

'What did you just say?'

'I was just saying you must be someone pretty special for Pen to miss you as much as she does'

He'd been called that before...

Practically running from the interview room, he looked for JJ but she'd already heard and was frantically googling on her pad, the screen lit up as they entered her office. Derek yelled for Reid and Hotch who came running

'Star chamber...'

'The hacker group?' Muttering, one step ahead as ever Reid continued

'We've has no contact with them for years, not since, the Russell case, they're classified as still active though'

'Andy has just called me something, something Sean called me...'

'You Son of a bitch!' He stalked back into the interview room, closing in on Andy who backed up immediately

'Whoa, wait a minute...'

'Where is she?!' Derek grabbed is jacket shoving him into the wall.

'Agent Morgan!' Emily's voice was tight with anger. Slowly Derek released his grip.

'Hotch wants you' incredulous Derek turned but there was some things he still knew, the fact Emily meant what she said was one.

'Don't go anywhere' he stalked out. Leaving Andy staring in relief at Agent Prentiss.

'It doesn't make sense' Rossi muttered 'if you're the target why would Star Chamber be involved? No offence Morgan but you're not exactly a tech whizz'

'Bring Sean anyone connected with the group' Hotch ordered grimly. Morgan looked around, the silence becoming tense again.

'Alright guys, what aren't you telling me?'

'Why'd you wait before calling me?'

'That's classified Morgan' Hotch said blandly 'You don't work here anymore'

Fury hot and fast flew through him, then fled just as quickly. Hotch was right this wasn't his team anymore, he and made them almost strangers, and they closed ranks to protect their own.

'Agent Hotchner?' An officer knocked on the door.

'There's a call for you'


	5. Chapter 5

_**30 minutes later**_

Agent Hotchners' knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel, siren blaring he tore through the streets. Emily at his side, looked down at her nails to see a small trickle of blood welling up on her finger, she'd bitten them nearly to the bone.

In the back Derek sat, frozen, next to him Reid was pale.

'It can't be her' Emily spoke quietly.

No one replied. Even Reid didn't offer up his customary statistical analysis.

Derek cursed under his breath as he Hotch took the corner way too fast.

Screeching to a halt he vaulted from the SUV, he didn't hear Reid shouting after him. Emily was at his side, hand on her weapon in a second.

'Where?' He demanded of the first uniformed officer he saw. The guy pointed into the house.

Running in he froze in the doorway, the body lay on the floor, blood was everywhere.

'Oh god' Hotchs' low whisper sounded at his elbow.

Walking forward slowly Derek swallowed the bile rising in his stomach.

'Is it your tech?' A uniformed guy he vaguely recognised asked behind him. Kneeling Morgan reached for the sheet. Pushing gently at the platinum blond hair he moved it to see the curve of her jaw, her face. It wasn't Penelope. He shook his head at Hotch suddenly unable to breathe he stumbled from the room. He barely heard Emily's desperate

'Thank god' before he turned to the bushes and lost the contents of his stomach. Hotch was on the phone calling the rest of the team, Rossi arrived and silently handed him a bottle of water. Rubbing his back on circular motions.

'Which of you guys is SSA Derek Morgan?' The detective seemed reluctant to approach but Rossi straightened and gestured to Derek, who nodded.

The detective handed over a piece of paper, in a clear evidence bag.

'This was found in the victims hand, it's for you'

The team moved around seamlessly. Morgan looked down and his vision swam again. Reid took it from him and read out loud:

'Want to save your baby girl SSA Derek Morgan? your life for hers. I'm watching you'

Emily, Hotch and Rossi immediately drew their guns scanning the area.

'Was their anything else?' The detective shook his head.

'It makes no sense...' Reid muttered.

'It makes perfect sense' Derek countered 'if they want me they got me' flat and determined.

Hotch whirled

'No they don't Morgan'

—

'Have you called Savannah?' Rossi asked Derek quietly back on the way to the BAU. Reid and Prentiss had gone on ahead, leaving Rossi, Morgan and Hotch to go over the scene.

Derek shook his head, unable to articulate even why. He couldn't think of anything but Penelope. He kept seeing her face smiling, flashing from his phone, when he had ruthlessly denied her calls. He and told himself he and no choice, but the truth was he did and he'd made a bad one, the worst and now there was no way to fix it. The first time she had called he was just married and had woken from a dream, the sort of dream you wake up warm and satisfied from, married to one woman and dreaming of another, what did that make him? So he had denied the call and every one since.

He was pretty sure that Rossi already knew all that, he didn't elaborate.

'You should call her' Derek nodded.

'She was working on that old star chamber case of yours' Rossi added suddenly.

'Someone has been attempting to hack into our database, her secret file the one she made over ten years ago now, they wanted that. So she created a new fake, to trap them, when they didn't go for it she realised why, that they had to be looking for you.'

Waiting a moment for Derek to digest this he the continued quietly

'She would never have given them that file' Morgan heard the reproach in Rossi's voice. Of course she wouldn't he could see it now, the horror on her face when his baby girl had realised just who they were trying to find. She would never have given up the file, she would never have given him up.

His phone beeped, a message flashed up and he quickly turned the screen away. It was only 3 words...

2 hours Derek...


	6. Chapter 6

'Who was that?'

'No one' Derek stared out the window, reflective glasses down as the streets sped by. If they wanted him they could have him. As soon as they pulled into the parking lot he leapt down and made for the stairs

'Derek!' Morgan heard Rossi calling after him but he raced up the stairs taking them three at a time, desperately needing to burn some energy.

—

He flicked the lock on Reid s drawer with practiced ease, hoping the kid still locked his gun there when he was at the unit. He was in luck, quickly he shoved it in his waistband, pulling down his shirt over the top, then he typed back one message:

Where is she?

'Morgan?' Reid's voice appeared at his elbow.

'I think we have something' he smiled it was small and tight but Morgan's chest hurt. What was he doing?

 _I'm so sorry Baby Girl_

'Tell Hotch I need a minute'

Reid nodded squeezing his shoulder. His phone beeped again, a series of coordinates, taking a deep breathe it took him two seconds to pull them up on his GPS and then he was gone.

—-

'Where's Morgan?' Reid asked entering the bullpen.

'I thought he was with you' Rossi replied

'Nope said he needed a minute' Rossi and Hotch exchanged nervous glances.

'I'll go check'

Hotchs sleeves were rolled, Emily realised it was the first time in years her unflappable boss looked decidedly...furious.

'Of all the stupid...' he fumed quietly

'Kevin says there were two messages sent to Morgan's phone while he was here, he's trying to access the numbers now, but he's having trouble'

Of course he was Penelope had encrypted all her teams phones after the hospital bombing, making them less susceptible to hacking and enabling her to connect with them even in low signal areas. Emily ran back in,

'The jeep has gone, security saw shit' frustrated she ran her hands through her hair.

'Ok' with decided effort Hotch spoke calmly,

'Until we hear from Kevin the best way to help them both is to keep working the case, JJ go talk to Andy again, he's involved somehow, find out how' with a terse nod she walked out.

'Emily and Dave speak with our techs try to get a trace on our jeep, check all the cameras, Reid and I will keep going over Garcia's files'

—

Derek pulled up outside the abandoned warehouse, quickly he checked the GPS was still transmitting, he prayed that Kevin would be smart enough to check for it. Then got out and messaged.

I'm here where's Penelope

The reply came back instantly.

Leave the car.

Second door to the right.

—

She had no idea how long she had been lying there, it was dark, and everything hurt. The fabric stuffed in her mouth still smelt faintly of ether. Her head swam. They had left her untied when they and realised she was too weak to move. Sweat clung to her forehead and her lips were cracking around the gag. They had asked her over and over, what was Derek Morgan to her? did he love her? Where was he?

A friend, a ex colleague and not a close one, she had replied was that yesterday or today? She couldn't remember anymore but She knew she was going to die here but she was damned if she gave them anything to use against Derek before she did.


	7. Chapter 7

The terrified face of Kevin Lynch stared at a furious Hotch.

'This is gonna take a few minutes sir' he stammered fingers flying over the keyboard.

'We may not have a few minutes' his boss intoned grimly.

—

Gun drawn Derek advanced on the door. Heart pounding, she had to be alright she just had to be. The sun was beating down and sweat trickled down his back. Cautiously he checked the door, it was unlocked. The room inside was pitch black.

'Baby girl?' he called softly.

'I told you he'd be stupid enough to come' the disembodied voice was loud in the silence, Derek whirled but couldn't see where it was coming from.

'Where is she?'

'Drop your gun' Morgan did so without hesitating.

'Where is she you son of a bitch?'

'You'll see her soon enough.'

—

'Ok the jeep is at a disused warehouse block, 20 minutes from here. I'm sending you the coordinates...' Lynch called to Hotchs retreating back as he ran from the room.

Everyone was tense as the car flew around corners sirens screaming. Emily, loaded and reloaded her gun. Clicking it.

'I don't like going in blind' Rossi's voice was tense.

'We still don't have any clue who this unsub is, let alone how many might be in there'

'What choice do we have?' Hotch's voice was little more than a growl. His anger at Derek for putting them in this situation mitigated by knowing how afraid he was, but now he had two agents down.

Tyres screeched as he pulled up outside the warehouse, already kitted out they leapt from the he vehicle, falling into their well practiced formation automatically.

'FBI open this door!' Hotch called.

With a sharp nod to Rossi, he lowered his weapon and kicked.

'Fan out' with a couple of hand signals they moved quickly sweeping forward through the room, their torches illuminating as they moved.

'There's no one here' Emily whispered her voice tight with frustration.

'Keep looking' Reid moved to Emily's side and they walked on, torch shining into the dark.

'What's that?' He asked, cocking his head,

'Over there'

'Reid...?.' Hotch's question echoed.

—-

Derek Morgan could hardly move his hands bound tight, the blindfold wasn't too effective though he could make out shadows, and maybe a window.

'Where is she?' He asked again grimly. They came to a flight of stairs and he was pushed roughly up them. 2 men at least, holding his arms but he hadn't got a good look downstairs before they hit him. He hadn't tried to fight them his only thought was to get to Penelope.

'We had a deal'

There was no reply, one of the men was breathing hard though not used to rushing.

'Up here' Derek was twisted sharply and pushed forward through a door, his knee hit the door frame.

'This is not a good idea' one of the other men hissed and even with his ears ringing Derek thought he sounded oddly familiar.

'Shut up' the other growled.

'Boss knows what he's doing'

—

Rubbing his head against the wall, Morgan managed to dislodge the blindfold. Blinking he cleared his throat, the room was pitch black and filled with dust. They'd slammed the door and bolted it, while he cursed silently.

'Babygirl?' he whispered.

'Babygirl?'

He shuffled forward moving slowly, off balance with his hands still tied. There was not much light but as his eyes adjusted he could see a small chink coming from a high up covered window or vent.

The room smelt strangely, bloody, metallic, fear clenched tight in his belly and he stopped he could hear a low rattling breathing. It came from the corner.

'Penelope?'

'Oh my god' he fell to his knees. Eyes wide with fear.

'Babygirl? Babygirl can you hear me?'

Derek Morgan was no longer a man who prayed but he sat and the words poured from his mouth in gasps. Begging any god who was willing to hear him. Working then pulling free on a piece of a metal he removed the gag from her mouth but she didn't move. There was so much blood and she was burning. Feverishly his hands moved over her, but it was useless. Stroking her hair away from her forehead revealed a deep gash and one eye encrusted shut with blood and her breath rasped shallow and fast. Curse after curse flew from his lips but it didn't change anything.

He had her now but couldn't save her. She would never know he came back.


End file.
